thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
