she woke up with a sticky ear
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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