my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
