Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
