i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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