just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
