Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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