hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
