This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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