He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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