I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i love accidental penises.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
