I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
