Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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