Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
worst night to have a conscience
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
