4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
