im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
