i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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