I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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