So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize