The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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