And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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