summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
