Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
