I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
