tell your sister to shave her snatch
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
