just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
