All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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