this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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