she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
