He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
