drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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