During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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