Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
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I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
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At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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