his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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