dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Randomize
