girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
