My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
