WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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