I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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