And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
