I'll bet she douches with gravy.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
