He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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