Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I know her cup size but not her name....
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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