Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i wish my penis had a tongue
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
