he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
My balls are so social today.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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