saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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