the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
