Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
