You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
