doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
