Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
