Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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