My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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