My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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