Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
