i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
