Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
