You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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