but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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