I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
