New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
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