dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
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