I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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