I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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