I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
