woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
