is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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